I have had one hell of a week. Thoughts of suicide rampant, overeating, fighting and resentment with my wife, fighting with my daughter, the business is back into it old ways with me not being involved, just bascially being there and playing iwht email and the internet.
Boy, if this doesn't get me depressed, I don't know what will.
First, let me ask myself about why I am behaving in a way that I wouild ocnsider less than responsible? Self, why are you doing this?
Well, sir, it is because that is the way you were taught, and your genes are set up so that you stress and suffer anxiety. First, no one -- and I mean NO ONE -- ever taught you how to completely deal with life on life's terms. So, you are still going through life acting the same way you did whenever you used to medicate with drugs and alcohol. Now, you live in denail, obsfucation and using food as a drug. So, we shall say that you are dealing with a disease, and one that you can probably overcome.
Second, you are only looking at the negatives, and not at any of the positives that you have accomplished.
Can we take a look at what some of those positives are? Certainly.
Allow me to list them numerically, in no certain order or chronology, just things that you have done right lately.
1. cut expenses for the business by about $15,000 per month, through things like staff reductions, production and mailing changes (finding new vendors) pay cut for yourself and key staff, lowering insurance expenses as a result of staff reductions, cancelling the cleaingin service, getting rid of frivilous items.
2. cut home expenses by keeping up to date with my wife, asking her to cut expenses in the face of lower income, and by some strange miracle, we are actually putting money in our savings account.
3. got rid of a bad employee that was not doing us any good in the front office
4. made inroads by cutting time in half for an employee that is also a relative, but who must go
5. starting to meet with a 'mentor' who got me to do a few things, that might actually be saving my company
6. made some contacts with some clients, and with some prospects, to hopefully get some new business and keep the business that we have
7. developed some courage to fight the fears that I have
8. went to jack's funeral to pay respects to a dear friend
9. cleaned the basement
10. got my motorcycle partially stored for the winter
11. visited with my sister and her daughter for thanksgiving
12. continue to pray to God, even though it is hard as hell sometimes
13. tryign to get an understanding of jesus, that I might use him as my personal savior, to get me out of the mental, physical and financial mess that I am in
14. spoke with a national consultant about what I am experiencing with my business
15. created schedules for my family and me for the weekends
16. took my wife's car in for service
17. got a dog for our family that everyone -- including me -- loves
18. continued my subscription to weight watchers
19. started to use the library a bit more responsibly to avoid huge penalties
20. took care of one of my dental problems
So what should I do from here on? Well, consider these suggestions:
1. have courage in the face of your fear; do not let fear paralyze you. Just act without thinking too much; inaction is what is going to be your downfall
2. quit procrastinating; just act
3. allow God to guide my thoughts and my actions
4. plan, plan and then plan again
5. remember how well life went when i did the first four things mentioned above
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