Change with courage

The past month has been difficult. I have not written. I have gone downhill. I have stresses on my that are immense. I fight with Tammy. I get advice from Chip. I talk about stuff with Craig. I eat more.

But I know that things will change. I must continue to have courage. To persevere.

I know that my new faith in Jesus is going to help. And I believe that it will help with my relationship with Tammy,and with the girls, and with my life overall.

I learned today what it is that I want from Tammy. She keeps fighting me over my assertion during the past year that we must work together for change, and that she really doesn't want to change with me. I keep asking a lot from her. I never knew what that was.

But today, in the parking lot of her work, when I yelled out to her that I want her help, I understood what it was. I need her forgiveness, her patience, her support and her cooperation.

None of those is going to come easily. She doesn't like me, and hasn't liked me for a long time. I know that I am asking a lot of her. But if we both genuinely want change, and if we are to stay together, and if we want a good life together, then that is what I must have from her.

I will have to put a lot into it also. In fact, I must put in exactly the same things that I am asking from her. I must forgive her and be less judgmental and critical; I must be patient for the change and for her forgiveness; I must support her 100% instead of trying to control her; and I must cooperate with her in her journey to be more mature and responsible.

We can do this. I know that we can. I want more from life, and I want it with her. With God's help, with courage to push ahead, and with hard, thoughtful work, we can have more from life, and have it abundantly.